- A little empathy is not just for others but for your own good, sometimes for your life
- Many, if not most, problems in marriage arise from lack of empathy in at least one party
- The best marriage, just like the best human relationship, comes from both parties having mutual empathy toward each other
- Love cannot replace empathy! Saying “I love you!” hundreds of times is less powerful than simply asking “Honey, what do you think?” before making any big decision
I was watching the 2002 movie “A Walk to Remember” yesterday and then the above “Title idea” suddenly came to me. More accurately, it came from watching the much older movie Love Story in 1970 that has the similar storyline as A Walk to Remember. Love Story is the very first movie I watched and deeply impressed after coming to the States. The female leading characters, “Jenny” in Love Story and Jamie in A Walk to Remember, both died at very young ages, 25 for Jenny and pre-20 for Jamie. Both movies won my tears, especially Love Story. When I watched the clips on the YouTube, I had amazingly the same feelings as 50 years ago the first time I watched it. Overall, although both are very moving and touching, Love Story is a better film with a stronger cast, better (the greatest) theme music and wittier conversations. To this day I still remember what Jenny said to Oliver “Love means you never have to say sorry!” In addition, snow and ices also helped make the pictures more romantic than without.
It is from watching the Love Story clips that I recognized the importance of empathy, which by the way also helps answer my own question arising from the documentary American Murder: Family Next Door. By searching online, I later found that Shannon, the slain wife of Chris Watts, was somewhat dominating in family affairs. In addition, she was making more money than her husband. Her personality was outgoing while her husband Chris is quiet and introverted. This is one of the most dangerous combinations, because an introverted male requires more attention than an outgoing one.
The truth is, love cannot replace empathy! Saying “I love you!” hundreds of times is less powerful than simply asking “Honey, what do you think?” before making any big decision. The latter shows the wife cares about the feelings of her husband, and would put herself in his shoes in life. For an deeply insecure husband this means a lot more than hearing “I love you!” In the case of Watts, my thesis is that long time of lacking empathy and one way communications finally led three lives lost. In this sense, I say a little empathy would save your life!
Now think about episodes from Love Story. When Jenny learned that she is dying, the first thing on her mind was to ask Oliver her husband to promise to get married after she’s gone. Even more touching is the episode when Jenny said “Screw Paris!” in the hospital, because she knew that Oliver was feeling guilty for stopping her from going to study in Paris with a scholarship, and she did not want him to feel that way. This is empathy to the highest degree.