I read and saved this from Flipboard the other day but forgot about it until today. The issue it discussed is common, and its three-point solution makes sense from the therapy perspective. After all, people only seek therapy after there are problems in their relationship. What I want to add is something more proactive so that we make it possible to preemptively avoid micro-cheating altogether.
To begin, let me quote the author on the definition of cheating and micro-cheating: “Cheating itself is defined by acting dishonestly and unfairly, and micro-cheating tends to be where the actions themselves may be smaller—texting, conversation, social media messages and social gestures—but the intention is a betrayal of the romantic relationship the person is in. Micro-cheating is often a secret outlet for people to get their conscious and sometimes unconscious needs met.“
“A good test of whether you may be micro-cheating is exploring whether there is anything that you feel you need to hide or delete, to prevent your partner from seeing it. If you’re hiding messages on social media, or deleting text messages and feeling like you need to clean up your phone, you’re probably micro-cheating. A really good test is whether you could imagine giving your phone to your partner for a whole week, without stress. If that is possible, you’re probably in a great place in your relationship.”
Simply put, micro-cheating is cheating in smaller scale or lighter degree. Sometimes the cheaters may not fully realize it as cheating.
I believe we can avoid micro cheating altogether or reduce its damage by controlling its escalation into full scale cheating. The way to do it is to invest heavily into the existing relationship. The logic is simple: The more you invest into a relationship, the harder you will be distracted by others, because the latter promises less return than the former.
There are many ways to invest into a relationship, but the most important and most effective way is to have heart-to-heart exchange. This article offers some suggestions but if you are mindful of the relationship and your partner, you will come out with your own unique and creative ways even better than what the expert have suggested. To use a metaphor we can all relate to these days, investing into a relationship is like having vaccine shots to protect you and your partner.
I read an article in Chinese this morning about Yao Ming (姚明), the NBA star from China and “the only player from outside of the United States to lead the NBA in All-Star votes.” I did not know that such a physical giant has such a fine and tender heart for developing and maintaining a good and stable relationship with his wife, Ye Li (叶莉) for more than 20 years, starting from 1996 when they first met. Because of Ye Li, Yao Ming switched his number from #13 in China to #11 in Houston Rocket, the same number for Ye Li when she was playing.
Yao Ming sets up a good example how to invest into a relationship to keep it stable and long lasting. No therapy is necessary because you and your partner know each other better than even the best therapist in the world.